Space - an exploration to ourselves

Space is a word that normally carries with it a fearful connotation, maybe one of exploration too. Most often in relationships we hear the phrase of "needing some space" and believe something must be wrong with either ourselves or the other. It maybe even creates some fear for the future. However, majority of the time it is the desire for one party to explore things within and around themselves on their own, having nothing to do with us but instead the discovery of themselves. At times, it may or may not have something to do with our interactions, but space does not have to be a bad or scary thing. The other term of space is the endless void of night sky that we exist in. This could be fearful for you, or it could be beautiful if you see it as an endless amount of room for you to expand into.

In May of 2020 I began exploring this idea of space, and more specifically creating space for myself in my own life. A year prior, I was in a relationship I felt trapped in. I desperately needed space for myself, but they couldn't get beyond the fear that meant I was leaving. Many fights ensued from this desire for space to which I eventually denied myself in hopes of making the relationship work. Well, this led to me feeling more trapped and eventually the outcome of me leaving for good. I bring this up to illustrate the importance of never denying yourself the desire for space. We're going to start when I first realized it was me who was denying myself necessary space.

In May of 2020, isolation was a theme of everyone's lives. There was a lot of anguish, loss, desperation, and other feelings shared by many in the world. My heart is with you for this past and current time.

This isolation was in extreme contrast of what I'd felt a year prior, and I realized in both circumstances I felt trapped. How could this be, I asked myself. If in one scenario all I wanted was some solitude, then why would being in solitude give me the same trapped feeling? I had yet to comprehend what it meant to give myself space. Learning to create space for yourself is something that seems almost counterintuitive, why is there a need to learn something that exists freely?

Here, I reflect on the practice of yoga, an integration of your mind and body through your breath which creates space in your body through the dynamic, stretching movements. Breathing being what exists freely in our daily life. The conscious engagement with the breath being what allows space to be created in body and mind. The focus on your breath creates space in your mind by "clearing" your thoughts from anything but the focus on your breath and movement. Now of course this does not happen every time but that is why it is named as a practice. With this in mind, I realized the art of creating space would also be a practice. It became something I would engage in daily through the act of listening to my body. To listen to one's body requires allowing the silence to hear what your body needs. The body could be hungry, need more rest, thirsty, in need of a walk, needing a hug, needing to dance, stretching, the list goes on. Engaging in this practice at any time of day allows for a hint of space to be created.

Space is the energetic flow experienced when one is fully present with their senses and the interpretation of those senses. This may seem like a funny definition for space, but it will hopefully make more sense in the context and relation of a plant. A plant requires space to flourish; its roots need room to grow and its leaves need enough area to access the sun. If you plant plants too close together in a garden their full potential may never be reached, or worse they will die. This might even happen with house plants who never get repotted to a larger pot. The roots take up all the space and it's harder for nutrients to be accessed. Or, in the case of a garden the roots are competing for nutrients and failing to expand where plenty of nutrients exist for each individual plant. The plant also needs enough distance between it and its neighbors to receive sunlight. Without this space, some plants might grow large while others' growth is stunted without enough energy to grow upward and produce larger leaves. I'm witnessing this with some kale in my garden. Poor fellas are tall without proportionate leaf growth because I planted them too close together. Space is important for plants.

With humans, we don't have physical roots to grow and don't have leaves to branch out to gather energy from the sun, but we do have physiological needs of our bodies and perceptive needs of our minds. Bringing it back to the engagement of our senses, when we pay attention to what it means to touch something, see something, breathe in and smell, taste what reaches our mouths, and listen to the sounds around us, we are able to bridge a gap between our internal experiences and the world outside of us. This bridge is what allows for space.

We create room for both our internal experiences and our external experiences by simultaneously engaging with both. Let's use touch as an example. I own a blanket that is extremely fuzzy, it is one of my favorite blankets as it has faux fur on one side and is velvety on the other. Touching this blanket brings me a simple joy. Here, we have the external experience lived through touch and feeling physically what the blanket is like and the internal experience through acknowledging the feeling of my brain's interpretation of the blanket's softness, which is joy. The practice of listening to one's body brings together the sensation and the interpretation of the sensation. This is why it is important to never deny yourself the desire of space. Usually, if we desire space our body is trying to communicate an uncomfortable sensation it is experiencing and the only way to listen is by retreating to silence where we allow ourselves the space to bridge the gap between our external and internal experiences. When we deny this desire of space, we slowly disconnect from ourselves and further disconnect from our external experiences. Taking the time to explore our desire for space brings a deeper connection to ourselves and our surroundings.

I hope you all enjoyed reading. Feel free to post any questions or comments below or reach out via email in the connect section. Thank you! :)

~ Jen

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