Home - a place within us

Currently, I find myself longing for acceptance and a place to belong. A home in the broadest sense possible. It is my belief we make this home in ourselves through the space we create for ourselves in our lives. Through the discovery of what it is in life that we need to feel, to see, to touch, to listen, to taste and most importantly to sit with in silence, we are able to craft a place that is secret and special to our own being. We create a home within ourselves that cannot be disturbed or uprooted.

Today, I find myself longing to be anywhere but here. I don’t want to stare at the same sky for another day in a row, I don’t want to take a walk down the same paths, even if it is a different way. I don’t want to eat the same food or see the same scenery. I want to escape to a world that is entirely unfamiliar with exciting things to discover and new people to meet. I feel disconnected from those in my life and don’t know how to change it. Life is funny this way. It shows us periods of stagnancy from what we once enjoyed in order to delve into a new layer of what there is to enjoy. Let me explain.

Each experience has its own defining aspects to it. Here I will use a tree as an example. A tree has a trunk made of bark and leaves that branch out to reach sunlight to feed/provide energy for the tree. The trunk is usually brown, and the leaves are typically green. It also has roots that reach down into the Earth to provide nutrients and water for the tree. We can physically see the tree and its aspects, and most likely learned about photosynthesis in school. Yet, in a sense we have confined the tree to those aspects and in doing so discounted what else the tree has to offer. A tree can be so much more than what it appears at first glance. A tree is a home to various creatures, a place of refuge for traveling birds, a provider of shade on hot, sunny days, the gentle music of Earth on a breezy day, a child’s jungle gym, or even the place where two lover’s sit K I S S I N G.

When we confine the tree to what we see in that moment, we limit it from opening itself to all it can be. Imagine this in every experience. There are infinite possibilities in every moment we experience; infinite perspectives, potential, and feelings that can stem from a moment.

You might be asking how this relates…well, if we limit ourselves by our existing perspective of what things are, we can never break away from the mundane nuances that fill our day to day lives. The same path will always look the same because our eyes are the same. If by nature, we remain the same and do nothing to change our internal experience then our external experience will always reflect this. If we look at the world for its limiting aspects, those are what we will find. But if we put on a new set of eyes and see the world for what it might be, like the tree being more than its physical structure, there exists the possibility of new discovery. This is where it begins and where our choice lies.

The conflict arising for me personally is I want consistency and change, belonging and discovery, acceptance and disintegration. I want to live in a fluid structure that allows for evolution and freedom, but also have a sense of stability and security. This is why it’s important to create this space of home within yourself and not to assign it outside of you. When it exists in you, there is always a place that can be consistent and what you need in a moment versus evolving and without certainty. We can't control the external experience, but we can control the internal experience.

Creating a space in yourself to return to in moments of stress, grief, or any overwhelming emotion or experience allows for something rooted within that can provide a sense of calm. This place then is always a place to return to that will be consistent by your definition, a place to belong as you are in the moment and where you're accepted for all you are. This place can be anything. It can be a mini escape from the world around you, or it can be something that houses nothing but silence. Mine looks like a path within the woods along a stream bed with fireflies and moonlight dancing on the water. Stars are up above, and I can always find an open field to empty myself into the void. An ocean is within walking distance too for when I need the gentle rhythm of the waves to remind me its alright. Your home can be anything that brings you calm. It is a place of refuge and a place to call your own. The longer we spend searching for a home outside of ourselves and within our external

experiences, the further we move from the understanding we have of ourselves and the harder it is to find joy in changing circumstances.

To assign our belonging outside of ourselves creates a distance from how we connect to the world through our senses and how we connect to ourselves through our internal experiences, our thoughts, feelings, values, etc. The world around us reflects us and we reflect ourselves to the world around us. We can trace our experiences in the natural phenomena that surrounds us, whether that be emotions, physical attributes, or general experiences.

There's also a tendency to identify with certain things that we relate to our likes and

dislikes and model that in our lives. This can look like taking on traits of those you admire, centering your identity around a specific activity, or feeling attacked when anyone says anything negative about what you like. Those are just a few examples. I’m not saying this is bad, but allowing something outside of you to define a large portion of who you are is hindering to discovering what resides in us naturally, the traits and ideas that make you, you. Some people may call these talents, gifts, what makes you unique, a variety of ways to describe what we come into this world with instead of creating. It is okay if you do not know what yours is(are). The world today makes it hard to stand as you are without some level of assimilation to what you should be.

Learning yourself is a day-to-day journey and requires space to just be. You need silence and time to discover how you interact with your surroundings. Learn to release the idea of belonging to a group or interest outside of you and bring yourself to the core of who you are; the part you are left with as you fall asleep each night and wake up each morning.

I have many ideas that are within this post that I will return to in later posts. For now, if something leaves you with more questions, follow them as you would a thread on an article of clothing to find its beginning. You never know what might be there for you to discover within your own mind.

Cheers :)

Jenn